MERRY SAMHAIN!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
MERRY SAMHAIN!

Death.

I had a horrible dream last night, or was it a nightmare?



First thing i remember was that i was in a large room, it was bright, but i was locked in.

I was hurt and bruised.
And a man came in, the way he looked and his posture and the way he spoke to me, I knew he wanted to kill me.
He slowly circled the room from the door, so i circled and moved like he was, hopefully to get to the door,
He kept coming closer and closer, when he reached me he grabbed my hair i was screaming and kicking, I managed to kick his legs out from under him when he fell i ran trying to reach the door Before i could get to the door i felt a sharp pain in my ribs I looked down and i was bleeding out of my ribs, he threw a knife at me, that's what nicked me,
So i continued to run but when i got near the door he was there he grabbed my wrist he was holding is very very hard, i felt like my skin was bruised just by his touch.
Then he bent my hand back till the bone came through the skin, I remember screaming, it hurt alot. I was trying to fight back desperately somehow he broke my leg when i went to turn to run
But i knocked him down again and started to run again,
And he was there again, this time i broke his wrist and kicked him in the groins
I finally got out, somehow i was running even with my broken leg.
When i got out i was by my pond by my house, I don't know how, but i was.
And by my pond i saw this beautiful white haired girl, she looked like an angel without wings
She was walking without looking at me, INTO the pond.
I stopped her so she wouldn't kill herself,
Even though before i saved her she acted like she didn't notice me at all.
When i saved her a woman came out of nowhere she had long pitch black hair, pale pale skin and black eyes, She thanked me for saving her child.I didn't know how this beautiful bright angel girl could belong to this dark evil looking woman, But the child went and jumped into her arms and she held her, so i let her go to her, I said your welcome, then passed out.
From blood loss probably.When i woke up i was in a room i didn't recognize
When i woke up i was in a room i didn't recognize
Then someone came into the room i knew them in my dream i guess family or something in my dream. And i knew i was at home, i was half naked in my bed, bandaged and stitched
I was worse off than i thought
Then the woman asked me what happened to me, I told her my story and that the last place i was, was at the pond
she said she found me on the porch. I told her everything, about the little girl the woman and the man everything
She said i was probably imagining it, that it was from the blood loss
She laughed at me and then the man who tried to kill me came into the room and she told him the story i just told her, his wrist was still broke, I said That is him he tried to kill me! See his hand is broke i broke it!
They both laughed at me, and the man said he broke his hand falling down
The guy said i was hurting myself to get attention the woman said that he was right
I started to cry
Then my mother and father came home and saw me messed up
They asked what happened i told them the story and my mother and father said that is kind of ridiculous who would want to kill you
Then the man and woman came out and said i was hurting myself for attention
Then my mom said that it sounded true
I curled into a little ball and started rocking back and forth saying he tried to kill me he tried to kill me and i felt like i was going insane no one would believe me
Then i went into the kitchen and there were two windows, one right above the sink, And one of the wall left of the sink
I looked through the window on the left the white hair angel girl was there it was close to the edge of a cliff
she was walking close to the edge, i tried to call out to her but she walked off of it, i gasped and started to cry
But the girl reappeared, i gasped again, then she looked back at me and grinned,
I nearly fell over
I looked out the window above the sink, and there she was again, by the pond walking to the water to drown again, then before she took the step that would make her fall into the water she looked backed and grinned again
I looked frantically from one window to another she was there in both of the windows
Just repetitively killing herself, I thought i was losing my mind
I went outside and it went from day to night
and the pitch black haired woman was there, i heard a cry, it was Padrick.
I went into the darkness searching for him
And she kept taunting me "You would do anything to save him right? You would walk into the darkness for him"
I walked around and finally found Padrick, but as i grabbed him and ran to the porch, He disappeared into a black smoke, He wasn't really there
I looked out to where the woman was
There were 5 women and 8 men
The women were beautiful like her, deathly pale, but somehow less beautiful than her,
and the men had hair to their shoulders dark hair, and deathly pale
I asked her about the little girl, she said whoever saw that little girl was the woman's,
and when that person died, she would eat their soul
Unless she deemed them worthy to keep, To keep? I said, then she looked around her at her companions
She said i may be worthy of keeping, I asked her if she was a vampire and all of them laughed in unison, and stopped at the same time
She said "No im not a vampire, but i am dead, Im more of a dark remembrance"
then i asked about the girl, she said that it was her innocence and purity that took a form of its own when she was killed
But when she died, her soul didn't move on, it rose from the shadows, and she was "Alive" again
Then i asked her how she died, she started to rub her head on both sides like someone does when they concentrate, while she did that a ball of light formed between her hands
when the ball was was about the size of a basket ball, one of the men tapped her shoulder and she gave me the ball as she passed by me. When the ball touched my hands i saw it play out in my head
She was young, Her skin was a little tan, and her hair was not as dark, like dark brown more so than black
She was in a store talking to people i couldn't make out the conversation, then 2 men came in
one killed one of the people she was talking to by throwing a knife
the other grabbed her, broke her wrists then the other man came over and stabbed her till her body was limp
her blood covered the floor
she was dead, after the scene played in my head, I came back to myself, and i fell down on my hands and knees and cried
and i woke up in tears after that, I was freaked out
when i woke up i wrote it all down.

Its not my fault...

Its not my fault
Its not my fault
Its not my fault
Its not my fault
Its not my fault
Its not my fault
Its not my fault.....

Page in my book.

My only fear, is that of the blank pages,
That lie ahead in the book of my life,
What will fill those pages?
Love, Pain, Joy, Sadness, or some other feeling that I am no stranger to? I do not know...
I try to put behind me the pages that have already passed.
Some pages destroyed as soon as more filled up my book,
The chapters of love now completely unnoticeable.
One less blank page now...

Seen but not seeing.

Im trying to view myself the way men view me.
But that way is totally impossible for me to view,
For I have no haze of love over my eyes distorting my view as to see myself a perfect woman, And though I tell them of my imperfections and point them out, The imperfections seem to perfect me, Thus makes it even more impossible for me to view myself this way.

Dream, but not to dream.

Sleeping but without dreams,
Trapped in the room behind my eyelids,
Blackness with just enough light to see im alone.
This momentary forever driving me over the edge of insanity.
Why cant I seem to find the door anymore,
The one that leads to my dream world.
I seem to be lost in my own mind now, I cant even find my own world.

If you should die.

If you should die, without my knowing.
Please, think of me, and every one else whom knows you.
Dont die a lonely death, I prefer you dont die at all.
But if you must die, I want you to look into yourself, Your soul, and see what all others see when they look at you, See what I see.
What is the reason you die?
Do not die out of lonliness, or Sadness, or Despair, But die out of old age, or of having to much love, but do not die for the wrong reasons.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

These past days have gone by so fast and in a blur, but the moments that are painful last forever, Like someone is raking at my heart with nails, Slowly making it excruciating.
And not to mention the bothersome attention from oblivious stupid men who only have one thing on their mind, Feigning romance and courtesy.
Maybe I should wear some sign saying how I DONT want to be bothered by them, I dont want to be stopped to ask how I am, what im doing, That I dont care if I know their names or not.
Maybe I shouldnt go out, I should just stay home, For one day I might snap and kill someone! :P

Tired of me.

Im tired of tears,
Of being the only one here doing anything,
Of being alone,
Of being abandoned, left, forgotten, left out,
Im tired of being worthless
Of being just a friend,
Im tired of being completely alone,
Im tired of being ME, Some fucking ugly stupid peice of trash that no body wants or loves,
That people use and take from.
Im tired of being ME.

Loving like a child
Picking flower in hopes to reveal the others feelings,
Dont trust the flowers, for they rarely know the answers to love,
And often play pranks on silly human lovers.
Only the rose knows the true answer to love and romance,
Or is it the ageless fairy inside the rose that whispers the truth to the rose, Telling the roses of lovers futures and then the rose relays the message to them.
Maybe.