Results..or not?

A night of fighting, screaming, crying. Placing blame and declairing hatred, sure does lead to strange dreams.I woke up on a circle platform. There were three others there with me, we where all chained up, though we had enough chain to move around and we could almost touch. But right before we touched the chain ran short. The others were sobbing and screaming, I sat there thinking not knowing what to make of this whole situation. They kept trying to reach each other then tried to break their chains, with what thought? I wondered, all there was here was us and the chains. Then 2 men appeared, I cant seem to remember their faces, though I know they were taller than me. They knew me apparently, they kept directing their hatred toward me, kept talking and teasing us all. Then the circle split into three peices each of us were left alone. It was dark and I couldnt see anything but the darkness, the others screamed out to one another. I just sat there in the darkness, then I was grabbed by the two men who threw me into the back of a car. It was bright and lovely outside, but there where these huge funnels in the sky like the ones that form a tornado but they were oddly shaped and contorted one was bent over us. Then there was someone in the back with me who wasnt there before, *Great, im going crazy.* I thought to myself but this person was there but not there. She explained to me about the funnels they now covered the sky, the clouds now darkening to almost pitch black, the men looked around and talked amongst themselves about what they should do they kept shooting glances at me but it didnt worry me, If they dont kill me this storm will I kept thinking so it didnt really matter to me. Three of the funnels touched down right by the car the men screamed, all I did was close my eyes and smile. Then when I opened my eyes expecting oblivion, I was in the middle of the city we were driving through, but it was all destroyed. Then I woke up.

Painful thinking

Swimming swimming just keep swimming...

His death, and what it brought on.

It was a good day to start with, I went through my regular repetitive schedule, shop, clean, feed the family, clean more. When I took a moment to relax I got a phone call.
"Hello?"
"Lewis is dead, his heart stopped." He said through heart broken tears over his lost younger brother.
"...What happened?"
"Tiny (Lewis' son) went in there to get him for dinner and..." He kept choking on his words as he cried.
*Moment of silence as I was shocked at what he told me, I listened to him crying, I pictured in my head what he must have looked like there holding the phone crying. Then I imagined the body of his now dead brother, laying on the bed, eyes closed like he was sleeping.*
"I hope he went painlessly...I'm sorry Paul."
"I have to call some other people, Ill call you back later, Bye."
"....Goodbye."

I felt horrible for not crying like he was. My father cried, when my brother arrived from home, he was crying, Ashley looked sad but that was probably because Chris was.
I was the one who had to pretend to be cheerful and happy for them, to make them feel better.
I did the usual "He is probably in a better place" line, but then again my belief system differs from theirs.
I havnt cried, Ive just thought about it, "How can he be dead, I saw him last month, if not sooner...He has three kids...they are probably sad, poor Heather, I hope she will be ok she is already depressed now add her fathers death to the bunch of things to be sad about."
Does anything I think matter though?
No.
Does it help any?
No
Does it bring people back from the grave?
No.
They are looking at me like im a heartless bitch, because I didnt cry.

Death

Am I a bad person cause I didnt cry when I got the news that another person I love? (well loveD now) Am I a bad person cause I was the one who had to call other people and tell them about his death and I wasnt in tears? Am I a bad person cause I am the one who has to seem happy and cheerful when really I want to scream and protest that this cant be happening, not to him.
While everyone else is crying and remembering old times, Im the one who has to reassure them that its ok. Am I a bad person because I wont go to the funeral because I refuse to see his body there in the coffin and know that is only a empty shell?
Am I?

Eyes opened?

I have always heard the theory "For every sad person there is a happy person."
This always seemed logical to me, for I was always apart of the "sad people" and it seemed like EVERYONE I knew was a "happy person". But know that Im happy, it seems like almost everyone I know is sad, and when I look around all I see is sad people, but when I was sad all I saw were happy people in love.
But was I being shown what I didnt want to be taught a lesson and have my eyes opened?
If so then why isnt everyone elses eyes opened?