Im really tired of coming last no matter what I do for you.
Even though I take your side, I give you money, I pay your bills, I help you out, YOU ARE NEVER THERE FOR ME.
You wernt there when I was alone and scared at the doctor, You wernt there when I got stitched up, You wernt there whenever I cried because I was hurt.
Cause you were why I cried, You were why I had stitches, You are why I am how I am, You tell me that I should thank you for that, but I cant see why I should thank you.
I dont see why I should love you but I do.
But family doesnt treat family like this.
Thanks
For
Nothing.

Thanks

Thanks....
I suppose you think sorry will make me feel better.
It wont.

Pillows of clouds and nightlights of rainbows, Candy kisses from fairies,
The stars dancing in the sky in a party that started in the begining of time, This is what i dream about, Sometimes in the middle of the day with closed eyes wide open.
Whispering to the flowers that hold secrets till they fade.
Rivers flowing full of emotions swimming like fishes.
I want to stay here forever in my euphoria fever, and love sickness.

I have loved
and have not recieved love in return
I have hoped
to no avail
I have dreamed
I still keep dreaming
I have been in your place.
But its no use to reopen old wounds, when we have so much to live for.
Seek your own happiness, Dont try to dwell on the saddness and lonliness that you always feel,
Things will get better even though you dont think it, It will.
You cant sit around and expect happiness and love to fall right in your lap while your to busy crying and waiting for it to.
I know it sounds mean, but its true.
You
Will
Find
Someone.

-To Ian, Keep hoping.

Enjoy the silence.

I am afraid of the silence.
But sometimes, when I feel truely alone,
I let it swallow me whole in its soundless abyss.

Love la la la

"I.." she whispered so low that it was barely audible, She then shook her head assuringly as he watched her curiously, confused, she stood there attempting to tell him what she said was important. She took a deep breathe and said with her eyes still shut as if it gave her more courage, her fists clenched so tight that it hurt, "What im trying to say is...I...love you"
As she spoke those last words she let out a breath that she seemed to hold forever and opened her eyes, she felt relieved, the butteflies still flying around in her stomach caught in some sort of tornado of feelings that only seemed to become more tangled and intense when she said those three words that she though would change everything. She felt dizzy, like she would pass out, she felt her hands shaking, so she clenched her hands in tight fists again, They both stood there, like living statues, He took a step forward gazing in her deep emerald green eyes that seem to sparkle with both fear and excitment, he grabbed her and held her in a tight embrace, she wanted to melt in his arms, wishing she could stay like that forever, then he let her go, holding onto her arms, gently so if she wanted to pull away she could, He just stood there looking at her, she was searching in his deep blue eyes for some answer, something that told her that everything was alright, that he...loved her too, After a to long 5 minutes she blushed and looked down at her feet, and shyly asked "well?" He sighed softly and lifted her chin to where she was looking at him and softly kissed her lips, and said "Well,..." he suddenly backed away a few steps looking to the sky, like there was some answer written in the clouds, a message from the gods, "Well" he repeated as he walked over back towards her "I love you too" She blushed, looking much like a neon raspberry, he looked her in the eyes and said with a smile so terribly beautiful that it sent her heart fluttering, like it would fly out of her chest, "I love you".

Falling into the sky with arms stretched out embracing my inner wings hoping that in this moment I will fly.
Making friends with the stars sparking so beautifully in the sky shining some of their radiance on me to make me sparkle with the glow of renewed life. The moon, letting me play in its invisible fields and oceans, Floating in oceans of hope, and river full of love spreading through everything, everyone, Invisible to ignorant eyes.

Falling into and out of, nonsense

Falling into love and falling out of saddness to be happy, to breathe, to feel alive once more.
But Falling into love is like falling out of a tree, you felt good climbing to the top, then BAM! You fall out and its not so good, but at least you still feel good that you climbed to the top, and you will keep doing so till you can correctly get out of that tree without hurting yourself again.

But the tree grows, and so does love.

Love grows.

Full of heart!

Within my heart is millions of tiny cocoons, Waiting to break free with the coming day.
At the first sight of the dawn they break free filling my heart with tiny butterflies lending me some of their beauty and sweetness. Painting inside me abstract pictures and emotions, Beautiful colors unkown to the world, For not many people see inside of me.

Swallowed whole.

Falling into field of flowers all of their petal's bear his name, And I roll around in them gleefully absorbed by feelings of euphoria, Carefree and unattached to the world I go to sleep in a bed of butterflies that sing me to sleep in sweet whispers lullabies that only the wind remembers, Drinking delirious dreams that taste like soft clouds and bottled smiles. Throwing my heart, my love, my hope into the air that carries them away to the fishes that swallow me whole in my blissful insanity.

Downfall of falling.

Lately...Ive felt euphoric.
Thinking about this guy makes me want to jump up and down and scream of how I feel about him, And I have found myself as of late giddy and just anxious to talk to him, thinking of what to tell him next time I see him. Whenever i'm working just thinking of this makes me happy and smile, and able to get through the day.
But...sometimes I feel like more of a bother, and he just puts up with me.
Which makes me kind of sad, Thus the downfall of falling into a new love, you dont know how they feel about you, and you just want to scream at the top of your lungs to this person and tell how much you want to be with them!
AHHHHHH! How can someone make me feel like this again? After such a short time?! AHHH! Cupid you are one tricky person! If only you can tell me if you aimed your poison love arrows at him too, or tell me if I feel this for him in vain.
I would give up so much to just have him talk to me, not sexual, not just simple conversation, but a deep conversation that takes HOURS and for it to feel like only me and him are the only people in the room, in the world, at this time, to sit down and talk, I would give anything.
I would give more to know if he really likes me, and not just in a sexual way.
Damn you cupid, and damn your vicious goddess mother Aphrodite.

Heart words.

Trying to tell you how I feel.
Trying to put into words.
But my vocabulary is so limited.
Only the language of the broken heart can correctly express how I feel.
The words spoken through heavy sighs and your fast heartbeat.
or the sound that my tears make while washing away the thought of you
The sound of hidden feelings, Fake smiles, and false O.K's.
And the sound of all the bittersweet dreams of you, or the memories both good and bad replaying through my mind torturing me throughout the day, If only you could heart what my heart is telling you.

Word's forming lies, Falsly announcing how I feel, when I am truely lost inside, I cannot seem to escape myself. In my maze-mind filled with despair, Nor can I escape this, You cut the string that lead me back to happiness, What am I suppose to do now? You locked my heart in a box and threw it to the bottom of the sea, Washing away in a wave of anger and rage, I hate you.
most of all, I hate me.

Breaking, broken, peices.

Im feel like letting go, not of the feelings, but of everyone who ties me down, bound to this heartache.
I fake smile more, I look into mirrors less, afraid of facing myself, the other side of me that is ashamed of this person im becoming, what im doing.
Im ashamed too,
I just don't want to cry anymore.
Its hard not to cry, sometimes at night, when I come home from working all day, I sit in dark, and cry, cursing myself.

Love....Hate....Confusion

Does it make me a bad person because I am still mad, even jealous?
Or does it make me weak because I still cry myself to sleep at night?
Or does it make me crazy because I still think of killing myself sometimes, then end up just crying more?
I blame him more so than her.
She was delirious with love and anyone would have said yes.
But he...he told me he was trying to avoid her and that he chose me.
But I guess he lied, cause how could they talk about them having a relationship if he was avoiding her.
Maybe he wanted her all along, who knows.
Love plays horrible tricks on me.

Ha ha ha ha ha...oh wait. it wasnt a joke?

Haahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahahha
You?
Sad?
When you got each other?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Dream language

Dream's, have a language of their own, constantly they speak out to people, but very rarely do people listen, or understand what they are saying.
Those who can translate don't pay it any mind.
I'm learning to speak dream's, to try to understand the secret meanings they are sending me,
So what if I walk around in a daydream state talking to dreams while im awake, but sleeping inside, And people think im crazy and childish for still believing, what they think doesnt matter to me anymore.

Broken dreams and shattered souls

Those who wish to live, Die
And those who wish to die, Live.
A lesson taught the hard way to these people, to me.
Hurting in ways that I cannot begin to explain.
Soaking in agony that rots my soul away to puddles of tears and lost hope.
Words become useless, no one to listen, no one to care.
Everyone is against you, In a makeshift world being built from broken dreams and shattered crystal souls.
I'm afraid i've already become a part of this world.
For my heart is broken, And I fear, Soon my soul too will be completely broken.

Dreams

Last night, I had a dream, or nightmare.
I was in a town, that burned all that was not christian,
When they found out that I was a wiccan,
They tried to drown me, I lived.
They tried to torture me, break my bones and my will, I lived.
They tried to burn me, I lived, but I felt the flames still, I just didnt die.
They tried to kill me, all those times, and I lived.
They thought of me to be the devil.
But they where the real devil's.
Their faces were blurred, I couldnt see them well.
Then, One tried to strangle me, I saw its face.
It was not female or male...It's face changed from two diffrent faces.
Yours, and hers.

Frail.

My life
So brittle and frail.
So easy to sever the ties that keep me alive.

I dont expect anything of you anymore,
the only thing I expect is for your poison words to roll off your tongue and to fill my soul with despair and slowly drain the tears from my eyes and the life out of me.