Love....Hate....Confusion

Does it make me a bad person because I am still mad, even jealous?
Or does it make me weak because I still cry myself to sleep at night?
Or does it make me crazy because I still think of killing myself sometimes, then end up just crying more?
I blame him more so than her.
She was delirious with love and anyone would have said yes.
But he...he told me he was trying to avoid her and that he chose me.
But I guess he lied, cause how could they talk about them having a relationship if he was avoiding her.
Maybe he wanted her all along, who knows.
Love plays horrible tricks on me.