Death

Am I a bad person cause I didnt cry when I got the news that another person I love? (well loveD now) Am I a bad person cause I was the one who had to call other people and tell them about his death and I wasnt in tears? Am I a bad person cause I am the one who has to seem happy and cheerful when really I want to scream and protest that this cant be happening, not to him.
While everyone else is crying and remembering old times, Im the one who has to reassure them that its ok. Am I a bad person because I wont go to the funeral because I refuse to see his body there in the coffin and know that is only a empty shell?
Am I?