Numb

"I'm tired of being what you want me to beFeeling so faithless lost under the surfaceDon't know what you're expecting of mePut under the pressure of walking in your shoes(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)Every step that I take is another mistake to you(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)[Chorus]I've become so numb I can't feel you thereBecome so tired so much more awareI'm becoming this all I want to doIs be more like me and be less like youCan't you see that you're smothering meHolding too tightly afraid to lose controlCause everything that you thought I would beHas fallen apart right in front of you(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)Every step that I take is another mistake to you(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)And every second I waste is more than I can take[Chorus]I've become so numb I can't feel you thereBecome so tired so much more awareI'm becoming this all I want to doIs be more like me and be less like youAnd I knowI may end up failing tooBut I knowYou were just like me with someone disappointed in you[Chorus]I've become so numb I can't feel you thereBecome so tired so much more awareI'm becoming this all I want to doIs be more like me and be less like you[Chorus]I've become so numb I can't feel you thereI'm tired of being what you want me to beI've become so numb I can't feel you thereI'm tired of being what you want me to be"

I feel like this today, Even though it's mother's day and I should be celebrating it with my mother and "bond" and all the jazz, I can't cause...I dont have a mother, Sure i have my step-mother but...she isn't a mother to me sure she fed me and kept a roof over my head. But she is never there when i need her she always puts me down, makes me feel like shit. She makes me feel like a posession rather than a person, Only loving me when there is something for her to gain. Who's fault is it though...? Hers or mine, Maybe I did ruin her life. No I refuse to believe this. I was only four years old, I couldn't have ruined her life, She is just blaming me for the mistakes she has made, Yes thats it...!

I really dont love her (I really do, its just im tired of trying to make her love me in return..), Sad isn't it? But the truth is she doesnt love me either. Where is my real mom? I don't blame her for leaving me, She had no choice, But...I was her first born wouldn't she try to contact me, I have brothers and sisters out there that I dont know. It doesnt make me sad really...it just makes me anxious so one day when I do meet them I can share all my love with them.

-Kitten